“I remember that night. I didn’t want to go to sleep for the fear of waking up and knowing it was not just a nightmare.” Said Bonnie Bear, the director of Survivors of Suicide Loss (SOSL), about the loss of her husband.
Every minute a person makes a suicide attempt. Every 16 minutes someone succeeds.
According to the San Diego Community Health Improvement Partners, suicide is the No. 1 cause of non-natural death in San Diego County. Between the years of 1995 and 2004, suicide has been the cause of death for 3,331 San Diego residents.
These numbers only increase with time. In 2008, there were 366 suicides, a 17 percent increase since 2004.
What is being done to prevent such tragedy? Non-profit organizations such as SOSL and Yellow Ribbon Suicide Prevention Program in San Diego are working together to bring suicide awareness and prevention to the county.
“We want to get a message out that suicide is preventable,” said Carol Skiljan, the executive director of Yellow Ribbon. “We are allowing people to talk about suicide [as well as] dispelling myths.”
Bear said that it is important to support a family in their loss and to help them realize the depression behind it. If there is a history of depression in a family, this knowledge could help prevent another suicide in the future.
“Post-vention leads to prevention,” said Bear, “We need to be pro-active.”
Both of these organizations were founded because of tragedy, but are now teaming together to educate and instruct others on how to help prevent suicide.
SOSL began in 1981 as a traumatic death support group, but soon focused on supporting those who had lost loved ones to suicide. Bear became director in 2004 after losing her husband to suicide. She wanted to help others deal with the same pain she was feeling and, in doing so, was able to help herself as well.
“None of us can comprehend the enormity [of suicide]. If you really take in what happened, you’ll be non-functional.” Bear said. “It was healing for me to be involved with helping people,”
This is the aim of SOSL: to help heal. SOSL provides support group meetings throughout the county. Seven different groups meet throughout each month. Meetings are usually small and are held in different hospitals and churches.
“This group was my life saver, a God-send,” said Linda Hunt, a board member of SOSL. After the shocking death of her son twelve years ago, Hunt and her three college-age daughters went to their first SOSL meeting. She has been on the board for six years and is involved in the speaker’s bureau.
According to the SOSL Web site, the meetings are “held in an atmosphere that is warm and friendly . . . our SOSL groups provide a comfortable, non-threatening setting to share our experiences and thoughts.”
Anyone who has lost a family member or friend is invited to attend a meeting. Often these meetings begin by sharing or just listening. Discussions in the meeting remain confidential within the group.
These meetings assist in helping people cope with the different stages of grief, which include: guilt, anger, rage, shame, shock, denial, disbelief and, for some, relief. Often times, books on grief and suicide are exchanged to help in the healing process.
Skiljan became involved with Yellow Ribbon following the suicide of a young girl in her community. She was struck by how the girl’s death had affected so many people and how anyone is vulnerable to suicide.
Yellow Ribbon’s headquarters are in Colorado, but Skiljan and many others in her community decided to start a chapter of their own. Skiljan explained that they wanted to encourage young people to seek help if they needed it because so many of them struggle in silence.
“You need to educate yourself about the warning signs and be supportive of people who are getting help,” said Skiljan, “Let family and friends know that you have an empathetic ear . . . It’s a life skill.”
According to the Suicide Awareness Voices of Education Web site, there are many warning signs connected to suicide. Many include: thinking or talking about suicide, previous suicide attempts, substance use or abuse, feelings of purposelessness, anger and anxiety. Many begin to withdraw from his or her family, friends, work, school, and previously loved activities.
Additional signs may include feelings of recklessness, a dramatic change in mood, or he or she could appear to be suddenly happier or calmer than before. He or she may even begin to give away possessions or begin to put affairs in order by contacting loved ones.
Education is key for prevention, not only in the community, but in professional settings as well. Camille Currier, a survivor, as well as a board member for SOSL, was shocked when her general physician could not refer her to any support organizations after losing her son.
“The stigma [of suicide] has not changed,” said Currier. “Mental illness is not yet up to par with physical illness.”
Luckily, Currier found SOSL and soon got involved. “It is a place to put all my energy” she said, “[and] an outlet to further educate the public.”
Both SOSL and Yellow Ribbon use many methods to educate the public. They provide various hotlines in order to provide information to those who are suffering from a loss. SOSL has a speaker’s bureau that goes to different schools, military programs, as well as local law enforcement.
“We go to the fire department and the police department because they are first responders,” said Hunt. It is important that they know what to do and how to help to a family member who is in such a state of grief and shock.
Hunt also speaks at San Diego State University, reaching an age group that is at high risk for suicide. “[We let them know] who to call and where to call . . . it is always rewarding speaking to students,” she said.
Both groups work together in organizing the 5K Save A Life San Diego Community Walk. This annual walk in Balboa Park is an opportunity for the groups to raise money and to bring together hundreds of walkers who are supporting suicide prevention or walking for someone they have lost.
“It is heartwarming, especially the blending of our two groups,” said Skiljan of Yellow Ribbon, “where family and friends can come together.”
“The walk is very invigorating and inspiring,” said Hunt, “It’s a wonderful feeling.” There are information booths and large signs that supply people passing through the park with knowledge about suicide. This is just another way that these two organizations are spreading the word about prevention.
SOSL and Yellow Ribbon are working hard to help give a sense of peace to those who have lost someone to suicide. Through personal experience, their board members and volunteers give those who are suffering the opportunity to grieve in a healthy way and to find a source of comfort amidst a tragedy that they will never truly understand.
“Over time there is acceptance.” Said Bear, “and in my faith I believe that God does not waste any experience. I volunteer to make [my husband’s] life count and to help someone else in this experience.”
In honor of Steven Gregory Hart.
